On April 26^th, 2006 at 8:11 am I was born like a cannonball and weighed 1 lb 10 oz. I was very small, but my Daddy called me "Big Ben" anyway. My mom, the kindest, big hearted, loving and beautiful woman I ever will meet called me "My little Sweet Pea". I met very many nice people right away. All of them were dressed in pretty colors and of all shapes and sizes. Then I met what everyone called "The Big Guy". He said "Benjamin Paul, you are one of my beautiful flowers that I want for my garden. You don’t have long before I will pick you, so make your love be felt." I said "Yes sir, fore I am brave and strong like my Mom & Dad made me to be". I heard everyone’s prayers and words of encouragement and used them to help me during my journey.

Early on I knew I had problems. Starting with a large hole between the two chambers of my heart and a valve between my heart & lungs that needed to be closed. I also had a layer of my brain missing that lets both sides talk to each other. This made me braver and stronger so I could show my love and be a beautiful flower in His garden.

The pretty nurses and great doctors all took care of me. I felt all the love they had for me every time they touched me and talked to me, but I wanted to feel my Mom and Dad so I could show them the love I had for them. I finally got to hold my Mom several days after I was born. It was the best day of my life. She smelled so pretty, was so soft and had that familiar heartbeat that said, "I love you" with every beat. My Dad didn’t get to hold me for a couple of days after that, even though he was aching inside to do so. He wanted Mom to make me comfortable in this new world that was so different. I held my mom’s finger and hugged her with all my strength. I talked to her the best I could and she talked and sang to me. I love when Mom sings to me. Mom’s my sunshine too! When my Dad and I got to hold each other, he cried, but they were tears of happiness. He wasn’t as soft as my Mom though. He was kind of all bones like me, but I didn’t mind. I held his finger and hugged him with all my strength like I did with Mom.

Over the next several days the doctors were giving my Mom & Dad all kinds of information about me. They learned all kinds of stuff they didn’t want to hear, but they had to know. The big problem was a chromosomal disorder called Trisomy-18. Before they even knew I was growing inside, my cells were splitting and getting their chromosomes into pairs, but I had an extra #18 chromosome. The doctors told them it causes severe mental retardation, limited motor skills, inability to communicate, eat, remember to breathe and all kinds of other stuff that would make my life very hard. They told my Mom & Dad it was terminal and that I was lucky to even be here. Most babies either miscarry or are still born. The ones that are born only live a few minutes, hours or days. If they make it out of the hospital for a year or two, they have a host of severe medical problems that require 24 hour care and are always coming back to the hospital.

I arrived three months early because I knew the odds were stacked against me. All I wanted to do was love on and hold my Mom & Dad and let them know it would be all right. It was my honor to be chosen as a beautiful flower in His garden. My Mom & Dad were still very sad, so for the rest of the time I had, I would hold them and squeeze them everyday for several hours to let them know I loved them as much as they loved me.

All too soon, I started not doing so well, but still felt my best in Mom & Dad’s arms. They knew they had to make the hardest decision of their lives and that was when to pull my ventilator and say goodbye so I could be that beautiful flower. That day came on Friday, May 12^th at 5pm. They were very sad, but I was still brave and strong. I laid down between them and was surrounded by more love than I ever thought possible. They cried because they didn’t want me to go, but knew I had to. As I closed my eyes I cried silent tears of sorrow for my Mom & Dad but I passed on my bravery & strength to them so that when they think of me, they know that I am all right, fore I am the bravest and strongest flower in the garden.

I’ve met so many wonderful people along my journey; Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, friends, nurses, doctors, and heard prayers from all. I even heard prayers from people I’ve never met and have never met my parents. I’ve met some new people now in the garden, who are all so wonderful, including the "Big Guy". It is so very beautiful here. I’ve also met a very special friend who is very pretty like a special nurse who took care of me and my Mom & Dad too. Her name is Gabby, and I told her "Your Mom is very special and loves you very much!" Gabby said "I know! I see her and Dad everyday and pray that they hear me telling them I love them too!" To all of you, please don’t be sad that I am gone. Be happy for the days I was there. Hug your children, parents, siblings and friends whenever you can. For this beautiful flower is both brave and strong. "I love you Mom & Dad"